And you guys thought a trip to Canberra might be boring!

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Am I having the adventure I should have had when I was younger? Or is it that there’s a smaller gap between grey and blonde than there is between brown and grey. And I’m having the adventure I need to have as an older woman.

But explain that to my psyche every time this new face looks back at me from the mirror.

Up until now, there’s been an unspoken contract between me and my identity.  Everything I’ve done in the past is to deny it, cover it, colour it, shield myself from it. Not now!

There’s something empowering about  colouring hair closer to the actual colour it is –aka senior grey.

It’s like meeting the person I need to be – for as long as I am here to be it.

The craziest thing is that I am making up for all those revolutionary years when I never did anything exciting – like going pink, purple, green or orange.

Living or testing the myth that blondes have more fun or more funds? Is it true? Have I invested in or placed myself in a better position to launch the next expansive phase, simply by altering  part of my visage?

One thing I am noticing is that you’re more visible when you’re blonde. Hard to explain, but if I was to compare the comments, smiles and encouragements over a single week received when I was brunette to when I was blonde, I’d have to say blonde wins hands down.

So – nothing exciting about this post except that I look completely different – now let’s see if it makes any difference to how I live.

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She is a Libran like me as we are twins. We are therefore guilty of, or succumb to the same tendencies which can be, at times strengths and at other times weaknesses.

One of the strengths is the ability to read others quickly and stay centred when dealing with competing needs and drivers. Cate is brilliant at this. Ever since she was little she’s been able to pour smooth balm over troubled waters. Or is it smooth water over troubles, or trouble over water,  either way it banks up well.  She used to have to do it to live  in peace – something she craved deeply; she now does it for a living and is putting money in the bank.

In many instances what she does is to help people communicate better: about what is going wrong, what needs to happen to make it better and what steps they need to take to get there.

Recently she helped a young 14 year old woman and her mum find a way forward out of an impasse of confusion, frustration and despair. And they did so together with respect. The end result was that both of them turned their life around.

The real trick is:

• Find out what’s driving the conflict – the things underneath what people say they want and then
• Peel back the covering layers to get to the heart of it – the needs, concerns desires and fears associated with the problematic conflict

What happpens is that people are then able see the problem that they face is a problem that they share. For it holds the same need, the same concern and the same inherent desire. To get resolution instead of fighting they find they’re working together to the same end. To point out what it is sitting right before someone’s eyes. People are often too close to the problem to see not only what’s going one, but also how to move forward.

I’ve been holidaying with her and her family and have had the great fortune to drop back into our twin world of shared insights, dreams, aims, ambitions, desires, fears and blindspots. As a gesture of praise to this mediating skill- I’ve painted 3 canvases that will sit on her office reception wall. The canvases are a triptych of her company logo. It is also a representation of the three phases a person may undergo in a mediation process:

• acknowledging the painful wound and combative situation you’re in which is grinding you to a halt
• moving through the shit-stirring and clarification of what you want – which can be  messy and painful but is absolutely necessary
• finding your own resilience and courage will result in clarity and a way forward. This is the “aha” I can see what you want and what I want and I can see that we can both win and I want that for you as well.

I’m glad Cate likes the painting. She’s always been my greatest cheer squad, and accepts that the gesture is as valuable as the pictorial output. I am arguably her greatest cheer squad too, for I deeeply respect her clarity of thought, generosity of spirit and skill of communication.

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He is a psychologist and a spiritual advisor who coached me over eight sessions to uncover skills I already had and remember the ones that I would need on this next path.

I am changing paths. The old methods of navigating don’t work as well as they used to.  I felt frustrated with efforts to simply plug into a job description, defined by someone else. I’d outgrown the seek.com approach to happiness. It felt like a betrayal to a stronger signal, but that signal was unclear.

My approach to career and life management and its links to self-concept and self-efficacy have been heavily influenced by my late husband,  a psychologist  who specialised in the area.

I have a favourite book, “Dibs in Search of Self” by Virginia Axline. Miss A as Dibbs called his play therapist, is my ideal life coach. My expectations of a psychologist were akin to Dibbs’ – I expect clarity, empathy, intelligence, generosity, kindness, interest and respect.

“Dr A” had all of that – and gave me significant insights into my own process.

In the 1st session I learnt about metaphors. I love to talk, and A had an uncanny ability to listen, pace, raise the pitch and punctuate the conversation – not with a summary of what was said as much as an echo of intent – thereby keeping me dogged on message. He continually clarified the conversation so that I was able to drop ever deeper into the intuitive insightful part of my brain. This is psychology at its best.

In the 2nd session I learnt about the space between making decisions. When the first decision is made, and the 2nd not yet formed, there is often a no-space of waiting. That’s life.

In the 3rd session I learnt about gentleness – to myself and how change happens. I learnt about defiance.

In the 4th session I learnt about father – my own and my reproduced father roles that keep appearing. Joseph Campbell believes the search for father is the search for character and destiny – too true.

In the 5th session I learnt about vantage points. Why use language as if I was just beginning my life, when in fact I was half-way through a splendid well-lived life. It was a lesson in humility and humour.

In the 6th session I learnt about intuition towards wholeness and where play and joy comes in; I learnt I had to trust myself more and I learnt about prayer.

In the 7th session I learnt that anxiety had served me well to protect my heart and that it was ungrateful to judge it harshly now. I just need to adjust the hold it has on me.

In the last and 8th session – I learnt to view my own reflective drama and dance, and acknowledge my ability to engage and reflect the humanity of others again and again.

What a splendid teacher I had – thank you “Doctor A”, Have a great year next year and enjoy your own blessed pilgrimage.

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I went to the Mind-Body- Spirit Festival in Sydney last weekend and sought out a reader to reassure myself that this latest  idea I have of taking a sabatical overseas for a year isn’t crazy.  Of course it’s crazy but I’m addicted to finding the perfect  psychic.

I do this – simply to validate what is already in my head. I do this on the understanding that if someone “out there”  can see what I’m seeing then it just might  be an event in the future which I’ve somehow tapped into.

Of course, it’s just as likely that those images in my head are somehow able to be “read” by a sensitive individual, who can  tap into another’s conscious thoughts.   I don’t know how it happens, nor do Iwant to find out.  But I do remember reading that psychotics have this ability as well. Sort of a 6th, 7th or ? sense.

My search for the perfect psychic is a compulsive disorder. It holds a strange appeal, like  a circus or carnival does; or fantasing that my lotto numbers will come in.  The process makes makes me feel there’s a script already written on my life which a select few can scan and download.

I’ve not gone to this particular festival for some time, simply because I’d outgrown it. There are way too many auric cleansings and sprit guides – who all magically appear in pastel crayon on colour paper  -  for my liking.  And of course whilst you fork out $80 to have some woman draw up an exotic (never ugly) handmaiden with wings and swirls, and stars and tiny golden budda  statues, anyone would wonder why it doesn’t look like yourself, or your next door neighbour or the guy at the local club? Why is it  invariably a Red Indian spirit guide with a big drum and a medicine stick? Or some cute oriental lass with a candle. Can someone tell me?

So along with other hopefuls, I queued outside the card reading stall – prepared to fork out 40 bucks for 30 minutes of diving insight from a complete stranger. Chosen because she had a nice face and she was free in time for me to make Yum cha with my friends. Sure I can fit in the future  before lunch. Might whet the appetitie.

 A delightful woman greeted me as I sat down in Row D number 7,  she  a nice warm face, an appropriate collection of crystals, decks of cards, a few angel statues – you know the drill.

Of course she told me everything I’d heard only 2 months prior from my regular psychic. The poor darling guessing along with the best of them, tapping into some all knowing RSS Feed of my future happiness. Mind you she was on the same feed as the previous psychic, so al lI had to do was validate with a rapid-fire  “yes, I know that…..next…”. That of course is the down-side of going to psychics multiple times. If they’re good – you just hear the same stuff again. 

When she ran out of news to tell me threw in…” so what’s with the little white fluffy dog”?  Normally I’d have said – who knows, dog shmog? The problem was  that I had seen the dog myself that morning in meditation. My response, quite appropriately was, ”Well don’t ask me – “that’s why I’m paying you!!”.

Now as I’m thinking of heading off to Europe for time out – painting and volunteering  or  working for board and food on some organic farm in France or Italy, I didn’t want questions – I wanted clear reassurance.   15 minutes in, she threw open to  questions. Of course I asked her if she could see anything relating to the immediate future.

Quick as a flash she asks”Do you travel for your work? I see lots of colour, painting and Italy” “Are you buying a new car”  Not a bad scan of my current secret fantasy, and the 2 hours I had spent that morning reasearching whether to buy or lease a vehicle overseas.

So for $40 I got a fabulous future. All planned the way I wanted.  And of course I got the obligatory old Indian guide with a big drum and a winning smile. I also got a relationship thrown in. The only lead I had was that it would be  someone with lovely hands who creates things, in Canada and who wears a turquoise ring and  probably comes from a different race. So  my future is with a Mexican or Indian carpenter or builder. OK I can work with that.

What is it that we need to go outside of ourselves to get the validation for some serious thinking and work only we can do for ourselves inside! Sigh.

By all accounts I’ll be some new age old witch with an Indian lover living in Canada chanting about the rising moon…

God only knows why I continue to ask..bring it on I say :)

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