Mediation – and the art of being Cate January 17, 2010
Posted by Liz Mead in : Into the new space , trackbackMy sister is an excellent mediatior. She always has been. Her nature suits the skill.
She is a Libran like me as we are twins. We are therefore guilty of, or succumb to the same tendencies which can be, at times strengths and at other times weaknesses.
One of the strengths is the ability to read others quickly and stay centred when dealing with competing needs and drivers. Cate is brilliant at this. Ever since she was little she’s been able to pour smooth balm over troubled waters. Or is it smooth water over troubles, or trouble over water, either way it banks up well. She used to have to do it to live in peace – something she craved deeply; she now does it for a living and is putting money in the bank.
In many instances what she does is to help people communicate better: about what is going wrong, what needs to happen to make it better and what steps they need to take to get there.
Recently she helped a young 14 year old woman and her mum find a way forward out of an impasse of confusion, frustration and despair. And they did so together with respect. The end result was that both of them turned their life around.
The real trick is:
- Find out what’s driving the conflict – the things underneath what people say they want and then
- Peel back the covering layers to get to the heart of it – the needs, concerns desires and fears associated with the problematic conflict
What happpens is that people are then able see the problem that they face is a problem that they share. For it holds the same need, the same concern and the same inherent desire. To get resolution instead of fighting they find they’re working together to the same end. To point out what it is sitting right before someone’s eyes. People are often too close to the problem to see not only what’s going one, but also how to move forward.
I’ve been holidaying with her and her family and have had the great fortune to drop back into our twin world of shared insights, dreams, aims, ambitions, desires, fears and blindspots. As a gesture of praise to this mediating skill- I’ve painted 3 canvases that will sit on her office reception wall. The canvases are a triptych of her company logo. It is also a representation of the three phases a person may undergo in a mediation process:
- acknowledging the painful wound and combative situation you’re in which is grinding you to a halt
- moving through the shit-stirring and clarification of what you want – which can be messy and painful but is absolutely necessary
- finding your own resilience and courage will result in clarity and a way forward. This is the “aha” I can see what you want and what I want and I can see that we can both win and I want that for you as well.
I’m glad Cate likes the painting. She’s always been my greatest cheer squad, and accepts that the gesture is as valuable as the pictorial output. I am arguably her greatest cheer squad too, for I deeeply respect her clarity of thought, generosity of spirit and skill of communication.
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